Tiger Training

"Hmmmm... maybe being a gym teacher isn't all it's cracked up to be. I'd better think of a new plan. Oh, wait a minute, I know what I can do. I'll major in Tigerology and be a tiger trainer for the circus or at some fancy Las Vegas hotel.

If you want to train a tiger first you must think and act like a tiger. You must become one with the tiger!

It's important that you let the tiger know who's the boss. There are several methods to assert your domination over him, but I prefer the ear hair hold. Those razor sharp claws and fangs are no match for a good ol' fashioned ear hair pulling.

Then, while he's withering in pain I jump on his back and wrestle him into submission... without releasing my grip. Man, this tiger stuff is a breeze!!"

*Disclaimer- Please do not try this at home. Tiger wrestling should only be performed by a certified and trained professional!

Major Studies

Now that I've been accepted to UNC I have so much more work to do. For instance, I now have to figure out where I want to live, what kind of car to drive and which lucky ladies get to change my diapers for me. And on top of all that, I've got to choose my major. First I was thinking about foodology, awesomeology and dinosaurology... but it just didn't feel right. Then I had the epiphany of all epiphanys that clearly showed the path I am to take.

With shorts like this there is only one option..... a high school gym teacher!!

I'll be Hittin' the Books Soon...

"Great news everybody, I sent in my application to the University of North Carolina about a month ago and today I got a letter back and.......... I'm IN!!! I knew I could do it, especially with all that time I spent watching Baby Eintstein videos.

Mom and the old man were pretty excited for me as well. They even took me out shopping to get my very first backpack. I'm not really sure what goes in a backpack yet, but I hear that chicks dig 'em! Man, all this school stuff makes me hungry. I wonder what this backpack thing tastes like??"

The Purpose of Snow

Now that we've gotten through the negative eleventy billion temperatures it's time to go have some fun. I knew there had to be some good purpose for all this white stuff we've been scraping off our cars.

Unfortunately, Little Man wasn't able to join us this time... he can't play in snow until his right ear doesn't look like Dumbo anymore. But that didn't stop him from trying... he got all ready to go outside in hopes that mom and dad would somehow forget about his ear thing and let him ride the slopes. Maybe next time, buddy!

Since he couldn't go play he decided to put on a piano concert for everyone. Little Man heard about Carnegie Hall and wanted to showcase his talents there for all the world to see, but then he found out were in Iowa and had to settle for our living room. We like to call these pieces Little Man's 1st Symphony and Bowel Movement

Little Man Remix

Just Like His Dad

OK, so true story here... when I was really little I can remember playing with the metal door-stoppers they put on the walls. I had one in my room that I used to pluck and just laugh and laugh. But deep inside I was always so confused. For the life of me, I could not figure out what it was for. All I knew was that if you pluck it then it made a farting noise, and let's be honest here, farting noises are ALWAYS funny. But that's where the confusion stepped in. I racked my poor little brain for hours and hours trying to figure out why adults placed little farting devices all over their houses. It just didn't make sense, adults were usually so boring and dull, they weren't even capable of doing something cool like putting little farting machines all over their houses. Or were they? I wanted to believe that adults really were cooler than they seemed, but there wasn't much evidence to back that theory up. Years later (sometime in my teenage years), I finally learned the truth that confirmed my suspicions- adults really aren't that cool and flexible door stoppers don't exist just to make farting noises. I was crushed.

Sadly now, I am one of those boring adults but the circle of life continues on now that I have a son. I came home the other day to see this...

I couldn't be more proud!!!!!!

New Years Resolutions

"Hey everyone, it's Little Man here. I just wanted to take a moment and let you in on some of the upcoming changes for '09. First off, after taking some serious time to do some deep reflection I realized that I spent far too much time asleep. There's a whole world of wonder and amazement out there and I've been missing it! So from now on, I have decided to veto any and all naps. In fact, I'm not going to sleep all the way through at night either! Whenever anyone tries to put me down and then they come back to check on me- this is how they're going to find me. Alert and oriented to EVERYthing going on around me. No sleep for me, that's my first resolution. For my second resolution I really have mommy to thank. She introduced me to a little slice of heaven called Chocolate Icecream. Let me tell you, it sure is good! So my other resolution for '09 is to eat only foods where chocolate is the major ingredient. No more strained squash and carrots for me. It's gonna be a sweet year in 2009!"

Party Like It's 2009

"Hey y'all here's some footage of me gettin jiggy wit' it way down south in good ol' Charleston on New Years Eve. I don't wanna brag or anything, but I showed this clip to Dancing With the Stars and I think they want me on next season's show. My peeps are still workin out all the details, so keep an eye out!"