The Connor Chronicles

Late last night we were up watching tv and longing for football season to begin anew, when another informercial came on touting the latest and greatest nutritional supplement that was discovered in some small asian village that the people there have been using for thousands of years. And even better, if we ordered in the next 10 minutes they were going to send us two packages of their product if we pay a small processing and handling fee that is more than the original item cost. Fortunately, right before I picked up the phone to place an order Little Man slammed the phone down and and shouted, "Don't waste your money on stupid fake stuff from China, I've got my own secret recipe with special powers that will give you all the energy you need!!" And with that, Connor whipped me up a bowl of his secret recipe. Turns out it's a bowl of cinnamon with a little bit of oatmeal mixed in. Apparently cinnamon has magical qualities when its mixed in mega doses. I have to admit, I was skeptical at first so Connor decided to show me the benefits firsthand.


After demolishing everything (even including the bowl) Connor was ready to show me the side effects of cinnamon overdose firsthand... umm I mean the health benefits. Firstly, he wanted to show his athletic prowess and ability to do backflips so fast you can't even see him spin all the way around. And of course, ever the showman, Connor finishes it off with a little story time to engage his audience and add a little extra human touch.


Next, he decided to reveal his incredible physique that can only come by the merits of cinnamon.


Then, after a change of venue, Little Man showed off his aquatic skills. Someday he hopes to sail around the world with only a "Woogie Board", two matches, some fishing line, a chocolate cake and a tanker full of cinnamon.
But before he can do that he must analyze his opponent and come to learn it's many ways. He says the cinnamon helps his mind stay strong so he can perform a miraculous 10 mega-giga-triga-quadruple-iga calculations per second analyzing everything from wind speed, humidity, nasty ocean flavor and BP oil content.

And of course, Connor has to protect the women and children in case dada is away on highly important, and hopefully extremely lucrative, business ventures.


It's a little known fact but apparently cinnamon is also high in fiber as well. Oops!

Time to retire back to the sand and perhaps lay off the cinnamon for awhile. Maybe it's a little too potent after all.

THE END

Chunka Chunka Burnin Love

Arianna has this thing goin lately. She likes to get up in the wee hours of the mornin when everyone else is sound asleep. Yeah, I know almost all babies do that- it's in their rule book- but it's what she does next that really sets her apart. Somehow she's taken a liking to the old Ed Sullivan show. She watches it for hours and hours on end. She seems to really like all the different performances that used to take place on there, and it seems that she has already chosen her favorite performer. It is none other than the King himself (sorry LeBron, not you), Mr. Elvis Presley. And thanks to the wonderful world of TiVo she can watch it over, and over and over again. She's seen it so much she's even started to learn his moves. Check it out... (and just for comparison's sake I posted the original recording of Mr. Peanut Butter and Banana sanwiches on his first appearance of the Ed Sullivan show in 1956)




Elvis Presley - Hound Dog Ed Sullivan Show 1956 en Yahoo! Video

The High Life

"Oh, hello there... good to see you again. Sorry, I didn't recognize you at first, it's been awhile. I've just been so busy with everything going on- breakfasts in Paris, photo shoots in Milan, brunches in Miami with D Wade, Bron Bron and the Bosh, radio interviews with that creepy femmy Seacrest dude, and taping Dancing With the Stars- Baby Edition.

I tell you the summer has been hectic beyond belief, but I've finally found a few moments to myself. I've been working on my tan for the upcoming Transformers 3 movie and it seems to be coming along.

After Transformers 3, I'll be heading off to the Hamptons for a few weeks of R & R. They've got this cabana boy there named Jose that is absolutely to die for. So I've been working a new exercise routine to get my abs and legs in killer shape. Plus, I've been doing a little Zumba dancin on the side, you know, after I run 8 miles per day and perform circuit workouts with the Carolina Panthers at their training facility.

And just yesterday People mag called and wanted to do cover shoot plus featured interview on me. I think the happy smiling thing has been overdone so I'm going more for the pouty look. I try to stay ahead of all the current fashions and trends- I think this one is really gonna catch on. It's really not that hard to be a trend setter, let's be honest, if Lindsey Lohan, Brittney Spears and Kate Gosselin can do it then anyone can do it.

Well, that's all the time I have. Thanks for stopping by, it was nice to see you again. Just have my personal assistant show you out and tell her to throw in a few autographed copies of my latest book 5 Months and Counting- The Arianna Story. This was fun, we'll have to do this again sometime. Just have your peeps call my peeps and we'll meet up for sushi- I know a great little place in Shanghai!"

Summer Heat

"Man... this summer heat is sweltering. I think I need to find a way to help stay cool. Mom is always shouting something about staying well hydrated whenever there's a break in her favorite daytime soaps. I think this outta do." "OK, so those two went by really fast, and I'm still hot. I think I need a few more cold ones. This'll probably do the trick."
"So much for staying hydrated, all I gotta do now is go pee really badly. And worse yet, I'm still too hot. Hey... that gives me a good idea."

"Now we're talking. Nothin' like a fresh little breeze to calm things down."

"Check this out, I am the smartest toddler alive. No more heat problems for me. Especially not after I hit the the 100+ mph mark. The Tour de France is comin' up, ya know."

When Arianna heard the news of her older brother's new found liberty she was shocked.

"My brother would never do that!!" she insisted.

"On second thought... maybe he would. He is kinda crazy at times!"

"Oh no, it's true!!!!!!"