Livin' the Big Life

"Check this out. I was surfing the web the other day and I found out about this thing called soccer. Apparently, it's a pretty popular sport in lots of small countries around the world with weird names I can hardly pronounce. But while I was watching it I thought to myself... this doesn't look too hard. I bet I can learn some of those moves and then get paid lots of money and perhaps even become a national hero for some strange unnamed country.


I prefer to practice mostly naked because it eliminates distractions and helps me to focus and concentrate better on maneuvering around difficult obstacles.

Who knows... maybe I'll get so good that I get to start my own team and they'll let me choose the mascot. If that's the case then I'll pick a tiger wearing a hat. Sure, there's a couple of sports teams named the Tigers, but mine is wearing a hat. It's a fresh idea and it's never been done before so I think people are really gonna go crazy over it.

But if it doesn't work out then I choose whatever type of bird this thing is. He kinda looks like Toucan Sam from the Fruit Loops box, don't ya think?

Of course our uniforms would have to be bright yellow. With any luck we'll be able to blind our opponents and as they try to shield their eyes then we'll drive in and score. It's a sure fire plan that can't miss!

Sometimes I get a little worked up before the games and they have to lock me in a cage. Look at the fire in those eyes!
You wanna piece of this?!?! BRING IT!!

After the game I like to go for a ride in my new sports car- just to relax and calm things down a little. Plus, I find an open top car like this helps the fans to recognize me as I drive by. I usually just flash a smile and a little wave and they get pretty excited about it. It makes people feel good... and that's what I'm all about. It feels good to give back to the fans.



Finally, before the night is done and over I like to sit back and relax in my custom made chair. Yeah, it's a little big... but that's how I roll!"