"I want to start off by thanking all of my loyal fans... I recognize that due to business reasons I have been a little scarce lately, and for that I want to apologize. In all the hustle and bustle of life I have been neglecting my Twitter accounts, Facebook pages, Late Show appearances and I haven't even crashed any cars, made racially insensitive remarks, or checked into any rehab facilities to keep my name in the news. But all that's going to change because I realized today that it's time to get back to basics. Where would I be without my adoring public and paparazzi following my every move so the tabloids can keep my dearest and most loyal fans connected to even the most dull activities of my daily routine. Therefore, I have decided to take all of you with me on a very run of the mill and ordinary day. Welcome to my life...
First thing in the morning I like to hike to the top of a nearby hill and scout out my objectives for the day. I never do the same thing twice-- I thrive on the challenge of living each day to the fullest!
I know my high rollin' ways and my haute couture fashion may give people the wrong idea about me... but trust me, I'm not afraid to get down and dirty if the situation requires it.
This was my first conquest of the day. It may not look like much, but you should see what's left of the barrel I rode in over the falls. You'd think wood would last better than that.
After the excitement of the falls, I decided to take a leisurely 112 mile ride down the river in a raft I constructed entirely out of pine needles and dead beatles. The first 90 miles were a cinch, but the bears kept trying to steal the fishes I caught with my bare hands. A few well placed strikes to the sniffer and they quickly realized who's in charge.
Next, I was able to travel back in time, before color was invented or even thought of, to hang out with some of the old-timers. It was a lot simpler life back then, that's for sure.
All that time travelin' took a lot out of me coming back through the space-time continuum so I decided to hop in my very own indoor swimming pool. But the hotel staff tried to make life difficult for me...
What do you mean this pool is only for big people??!! Don't you know who I am?!
Yep, that's right. The Little People always win. I celebrated my victory over the staff with a little show I like to call 'Buff Connor in the Buff'. The 2010 calendar will be ready soon.
Lastly, I decided to finish my day off the right way, with a little bit of catchin up on the sports scene and kickin back some of the finest imported Root Beer that money can buy. I know this kind of life isn't for everybody, but's it my kind of life.
First thing in the morning I like to hike to the top of a nearby hill and scout out my objectives for the day. I never do the same thing twice-- I thrive on the challenge of living each day to the fullest!
I know my high rollin' ways and my haute couture fashion may give people the wrong idea about me... but trust me, I'm not afraid to get down and dirty if the situation requires it.
This was my first conquest of the day. It may not look like much, but you should see what's left of the barrel I rode in over the falls. You'd think wood would last better than that.
After the excitement of the falls, I decided to take a leisurely 112 mile ride down the river in a raft I constructed entirely out of pine needles and dead beatles. The first 90 miles were a cinch, but the bears kept trying to steal the fishes I caught with my bare hands. A few well placed strikes to the sniffer and they quickly realized who's in charge.
Next, I was able to travel back in time, before color was invented or even thought of, to hang out with some of the old-timers. It was a lot simpler life back then, that's for sure.
All that time travelin' took a lot out of me coming back through the space-time continuum so I decided to hop in my very own indoor swimming pool. But the hotel staff tried to make life difficult for me...
What do you mean this pool is only for big people??!! Don't you know who I am?!
Yep, that's right. The Little People always win. I celebrated my victory over the staff with a little show I like to call 'Buff Connor in the Buff'. The 2010 calendar will be ready soon.
Lastly, I decided to finish my day off the right way, with a little bit of catchin up on the sports scene and kickin back some of the finest imported Root Beer that money can buy. I know this kind of life isn't for everybody, but's it my kind of life. Thanks for tuning in today. Stay tuned for next week as I explore the innermost workings of the human mind while scuba diving in a volcano full of hot lava."
No comments:
Post a Comment