The Little Man Experience

"I want to start off by thanking all of my loyal fans... I recognize that due to business reasons I have been a little scarce lately, and for that I want to apologize. In all the hustle and bustle of life I have been neglecting my Twitter accounts, Facebook pages, Late Show appearances and I haven't even crashed any cars, made racially insensitive remarks, or checked into any rehab facilities to keep my name in the news. But all that's going to change because I realized today that it's time to get back to basics. Where would I be without my adoring public and paparazzi following my every move so the tabloids can keep my dearest and most loyal fans connected to even the most dull activities of my daily routine. Therefore, I have decided to take all of you with me on a very run of the mill and ordinary day. Welcome to my life... First thing in the morning I like to hike to the top of a nearby hill and scout out my objectives for the day. I never do the same thing twice-- I thrive on the challenge of living each day to the fullest!

I know my high rollin' ways and my haute couture fashion may give people the wrong idea about me... but trust me, I'm not afraid to get down and dirty if the situation requires it.

This was my first conquest of the day. It may not look like much, but you should see what's left of the barrel I rode in over the falls. You'd think wood would last better than that.

After the excitement of the falls, I decided to take a leisurely 112 mile ride down the river in a raft I constructed entirely out of pine needles and dead beatles. The first 90 miles were a cinch, but the bears kept trying to steal the fishes I caught with my bare hands. A few well placed strikes to the sniffer and they quickly realized who's in charge.

Next, I was able to travel back in time, before color was invented or even thought of, to hang out with some of the old-timers. It was a lot simpler life back then, that's for sure.

All that time travelin' took a lot out of me coming back through the space-time continuum so I decided to hop in my very own indoor swimming pool. But the hotel staff tried to make life difficult for me...

What do you mean this pool is only for big people??!! Don't you know who I am?!

Yep, that's right. The Little People always win. I celebrated my victory over the staff with a little show I like to call 'Buff Connor in the Buff'. The 2010 calendar will be ready soon.

Lastly, I decided to finish my day off the right way, with a little bit of catchin up on the sports scene and kickin back some of the finest imported Root Beer that money can buy. I know this kind of life isn't for everybody, but's it my kind of life.

Thanks for tuning in today. Stay tuned for next week as I explore the innermost workings of the human mind while scuba diving in a volcano full of hot lava."

Recovery Time

After a week of moving, two weeks working and searching, and another week of studying and testing we decided it was time to take a break and head for the mountains. Of course, having been in Iowa for the past 3 years we had to take some time and fill in a few gaps for Little Man. We tried to explain the concept of a mountain, but it just didn't sink in. So we gave him a list of books to read by John Muir, and after finishing all 12, he was finally ready to experience- THE MOUNTAINS!! Needless to say, Little Man was quite over-joyed at finally encountering giant rocks sticking thousands of feet in the air. He realized his 21 months in Iowa left him unprepared to fully enjoy such a majestic and fantastic work of Mother Nature. At his request, we began a beginners mountaineering course with no time to waste.
After a few trips to the ER, a slight concussion, and three dead squirrels... Connor was attacking the mountain like a man on a mission!
Of course, climbing a mountain is only a small part of the experience. Little Man made sure not to miss out on anything by personally inspecting every tree, twig, leaf, bench, railing, passerby and trash can.

With his training coming along so smoothly, as parents we felt it was time to turn Connor loose and let him try a few obstacles on his own. The first obstacle was called "Mile High Bridge In 40 MPH wind".
OK, so we fibbed a little, the wind was only blowing 35 MPH, but Little Man handled it with ease.
At the top of the mountain, Connor insisted that I let him on my shoulders so he could be higher than anyone else there.
After reaching the summit, Little Man decided to take some time to reflect on his accomplishments and perform an introspective analysis of his life. After several hours without moving a single muscle and with complete immersion in his thoughts he finally declared the day a success.

Not bad for a days work.

Spectacular Views

In the 6+ years that Jacque and I have known each other we have been fortunate to have seen some of the most beautiful views that mother nature has to offer: Virgin River Valley in Zions National Park ,UT...
...beaches on the right coast (Charleston, SC Isle of Palms)...
... and beaches on the left coast (Torrey Pines, CA)...

...mountains and oceans by sea (Prince William Sound, AK)...

... and mountains by air (Denali 20,320 ft. North Americas highest peak)...

...walking on glaciers (Denali State Park, AK)....

... and beautiful waterfalls (Juneau Falls, AK)...

... and even more beautiful waterfalls (Oregon)...

... panoramic views from tops of mountains (Mt. Timpanogos, UT 11,000+ ft)...

...and historic lighthouses (Cabrillo National Monument, Point Loma, CA)...

... and unique displays that only Mother Nature can create (Bryce Canyon National Park, UT)...

... even midnight suns (Anchorage, AK 12:01 am June 22)...

While all of those views and many more were wonderful and amazing each in their own way, there is one view that tops them all. There is nothing better than to come home after a long and busy day and see this...

IT JUST DOESN'T GET ANY BETTER THAN THIS!!!

The Other White Stuff

Two weeks ago on a Saturday it snowed for about an hour in Iowa. That was just too much for the Little Man to take so he decided to head south, at least for the winter. While down south, he decided to check out this other whitish stuff that he's heard about but is not too familiar with. Here he is surveying this "warm white stuff". Of course, no survey is complete without a taste test. Turns out it's a little gritty to the taste but otherwise not bad.
And as an added bonus, this new white stuff has walls of water that come chasing after you repeatedly. Little Man wasn't too sure what he thought about billions of gallons of foamy water hunting him down... but he's decided to keep an open mind about it!

Little Boy Heaven

Amongst all the packing, moving and many other changes that took place over the past several days Connor didn't seem to notice, or even care for that matter, until all his dreams came true in the form of a giant yellow truck... Little Man didn't waste any time becoming acquainted with every square inch of his newest best friend.
"Look dad, only one hand. And who even cares if I can see over the wheel or not- I'm bigger than everyone else so they better stay outta my way!!"

" Yep... I was pretty much born to drive!!"

Halloween's A Comin...

For Little Man it seems like Halloween just can't come soon enough. So he decided to throw a little ghastly gross ghoul party to set the tone for the entire month of October. He dressed up as Connorsaurus the most viscious and terrible lizard to ever walk this or any other planet.
The party seemed to be a great success. He was especially pleased when Payne Stewart came back from the dead just to attend his bash, although he seemed to be much smaller than Little Man remembered. Fortunately, Payne Stewart brought along a few friends, Dora the Explora and a very dissatisfied ladybug. You think you know how to party it up, you should see these crazy cats turn it loose!!

Every party has to have a centerpiece so Connor decided to create a life size replica of himself, only with a special Halloween twist. He was so proud of it he named it "Killer, Deranged Mutant Pumpkin Goon". The party-goers spent most of their time trying to bring it to life by having it struck by lightning... only the weather was less than helpful. Hopefully it doesn't come to life and try to attack any one, like the last time he tried something like this.

How would you like this to be the last thing you ever saw. Waaa Haaa Haaa HAAAAA!!!!

It's a........

Don't you hate it when people have something really important to say but instead of just jumping right out and telling you they keep blabbering on and on about things that hardly seem to matter at all. It seems like they don't even care about everybody's time that they're wasting as they go off on these tangents that never go anywhere. And you never know if they're really being serious or if they're just trying to build the suspense higher and higher until weaker minds can't take it any longer and they scream out, "Enough already, just tell me!!"
And then, just when you think they're gonna tell you and after it's been what seems like an eternity of waiting you finally reach the point that you've been eagerly waiting for and the only reason why you've even been talking to them in the first place. And then in that moment when you feel success is imminent and your goal is finally about to be reached- they make a sudden U-turn with their train of thought and keep going on about nothingness for no apparent reason at all.
In completely unrelated news, we had our doctors appointment today (yes, THE doctor's appointment) where you finally get a chance to peek and uncover your surpise (just like peeking on your presents before Christmas). Sure it takes a little bit of the fun out of it, but who wants to be kept waiting in the dark all that time. Anyways, as I was saying, we had an ultrasound done today and we found out that we're having a.........................................................................





BABY!!!! We were so excited to finally have that confirmed, you never know with that whole Area 51 and Roswell, New Mexico stuff going around. But unfortunately Jax wasn't happy enough just that much information so she poked and prodded the poor ultra sound attendant until finally she caved in and went for a little game of peek-a-boo. After this exciting little game we found out that we're having......................................................................................................




a......................................................................................................................................................
GIRL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Yep that's right, we are eagerly awaiting the arrival of Cailyn Monique Sheniqua LaToya Matilda Edna Kerbopple Boquisha Bonnie Gertrude Young!!


Connor was so excited he decided to celebrate his new little sister by "borrowing" a cookie.

Homemaking Skills

Recently, Jacque was was bitten by the sewing bug and it caused her to become delirious for 3 full days. While lacking her sanity, she decided to try making a quilt. For three long days she scurried around in the basement, only emerging to de-pressurize her bladder and sometimes to shower. During that time all I heard was the electronic hum of a sewing machine, a few power tools, an elephant, and a few loud thumps quickly followed by some choice words that I shall not repeat. And then finally, after what seemed like an eternity, the ordeal was over and Jacque emerged with her newest creation. Made from titanium fabric with carbon fiber threading, her quilt represents the newest technology available to stay-at-home moms and also doubles as bomb shelter in times of war.
Connor wasn't entirely convinced so he decided to test firsthand the strength and integrity of mommy's latest creation. Sure enough, it not only withstood the highly scientific trample-on-top-of-a-pregnant-lady test, but it passed with flying colors.
After seeing mommy's new creative capabilities and an old Macgyver rerun, Little Man decided to show off some of his own homemaking skills. In this episode he narrowly escapes starving for 3 days (while mom is in the basement battling her new sewing machine) by making loaves of bread out of oversized Lego blocks. Apparently the trick is getting the right mixture of red to yellow blocks... the other colors are just fillers.

The Bump

"Mommy, have you been eating too much... your tummy is big and round like Santa Claus?"

"No, I don't need to join Weight Watchers. That's your little brother or sister in there!"

"You mean I get to be a big brother?!?! Sweet... think of all the cool tricks I'll be able to play.""Wait a minute... how the heck did it get inside there????"

"It snuck inside through my belly button, that's how all babies do it. Look, you have a belly button too!"
"Holy cow! You're right, I do have one too!"
"Having a baby isn't contagious is it??? I better check things out just to make sure!"

Watch Out Bolt

Last summer Usain Bolt astonished the world by breaking the world record in both the 100 and 200 meter dash. As a relatively new sprinter on the track and field scene, his tremendous speed has people asking how fast this guy really is. To the sports world he is considered unbeatable, the fastest person in the world. Or as Little Man says, the fastest person that the world knows about. What Usain Bolt doesn't know is that his super speed has placed an immense target on his back with everyone wanting to get the chance to beat him. Recently, Connor issued a challenge to race Usain Bolt... but so far he has declined the invitation. Little Man says it's because Usain knows he can't hang with the "Great Miniature White Hope". They thought the Titanic was unsinkable- and look how that turned out. In a bid to apply some pressure to Usain and his camp, Connor is now releasing never before seen footage of his sprinting regimen. Normally, he practices outside, but inclement weather forced this session indoors.



Bring it on, Usain. If you DARE!!!!