Man Training

The off-season may have just begun but it's never too early to start getting ready for next season. To stay sharp on his skills, Little Man invited his buddy Parks over for a game of football.
"Red 69... blue 32... down... set... hut...hut... HIKE!!!"

"OK Connor, you go deep"

"Or maybe not so deep, dude where'd you go?"

"TOUCHDOWN!!"

Then it was off to the car show for a chance to get up close and personal with some sweet new machines.

"Sweet... let's go cruisin for some chicas!"

"Oooooooohhh........shiny!"

"She will be mine... oh yes, she will be mine!"

As Super As It Gets

With a little one it's always fun to see them grow and develop and hit all their "firsts"- first words, first step, first time falling down the stairs, first taste of chocolate ice cream and so on. Well Sunday was another of those incredibly important milestones in Little Man's life. It was his very first SuperBowl. As his mom and dad, we were very impressed with all of his hard work and dedication he put into this memorable day. He truly wanted to make it a special day."Rootbeer.... check. Remote controls.... check. 2 footballs.... check. Snacks.... check and double check!"

Although, as the game progressed, Little Man started to wear down and show the toll it was taking on his body.

"Uuuuggghhhhhh... I shouldn't have eaten those last couple of meatballs!"

The onslaught of delicious meatballs, smokies, ribs and chili-cheese nacho dip created a few items of business to take care of at the other end of the spectrum, if you know what I mean.

"Oh man, I think I'm gonna need lots of this stuff!" "Hmmmm... I think this should about do it."
"Whew, I'm glad I got that out of my system. I feel so much better now."

Tiger Training

"Hmmmm... maybe being a gym teacher isn't all it's cracked up to be. I'd better think of a new plan. Oh, wait a minute, I know what I can do. I'll major in Tigerology and be a tiger trainer for the circus or at some fancy Las Vegas hotel.

If you want to train a tiger first you must think and act like a tiger. You must become one with the tiger!

It's important that you let the tiger know who's the boss. There are several methods to assert your domination over him, but I prefer the ear hair hold. Those razor sharp claws and fangs are no match for a good ol' fashioned ear hair pulling.

Then, while he's withering in pain I jump on his back and wrestle him into submission... without releasing my grip. Man, this tiger stuff is a breeze!!"

*Disclaimer- Please do not try this at home. Tiger wrestling should only be performed by a certified and trained professional!

Major Studies

Now that I've been accepted to UNC I have so much more work to do. For instance, I now have to figure out where I want to live, what kind of car to drive and which lucky ladies get to change my diapers for me. And on top of all that, I've got to choose my major. First I was thinking about foodology, awesomeology and dinosaurology... but it just didn't feel right. Then I had the epiphany of all epiphanys that clearly showed the path I am to take.

With shorts like this there is only one option..... a high school gym teacher!!

I'll be Hittin' the Books Soon...

"Great news everybody, I sent in my application to the University of North Carolina about a month ago and today I got a letter back and.......... I'm IN!!! I knew I could do it, especially with all that time I spent watching Baby Eintstein videos.

Mom and the old man were pretty excited for me as well. They even took me out shopping to get my very first backpack. I'm not really sure what goes in a backpack yet, but I hear that chicks dig 'em! Man, all this school stuff makes me hungry. I wonder what this backpack thing tastes like??"

The Purpose of Snow

Now that we've gotten through the negative eleventy billion temperatures it's time to go have some fun. I knew there had to be some good purpose for all this white stuff we've been scraping off our cars.

Unfortunately, Little Man wasn't able to join us this time... he can't play in snow until his right ear doesn't look like Dumbo anymore. But that didn't stop him from trying... he got all ready to go outside in hopes that mom and dad would somehow forget about his ear thing and let him ride the slopes. Maybe next time, buddy!

Since he couldn't go play he decided to put on a piano concert for everyone. Little Man heard about Carnegie Hall and wanted to showcase his talents there for all the world to see, but then he found out were in Iowa and had to settle for our living room. We like to call these pieces Little Man's 1st Symphony and Bowel Movement

Little Man Remix

Just Like His Dad

OK, so true story here... when I was really little I can remember playing with the metal door-stoppers they put on the walls. I had one in my room that I used to pluck and just laugh and laugh. But deep inside I was always so confused. For the life of me, I could not figure out what it was for. All I knew was that if you pluck it then it made a farting noise, and let's be honest here, farting noises are ALWAYS funny. But that's where the confusion stepped in. I racked my poor little brain for hours and hours trying to figure out why adults placed little farting devices all over their houses. It just didn't make sense, adults were usually so boring and dull, they weren't even capable of doing something cool like putting little farting machines all over their houses. Or were they? I wanted to believe that adults really were cooler than they seemed, but there wasn't much evidence to back that theory up. Years later (sometime in my teenage years), I finally learned the truth that confirmed my suspicions- adults really aren't that cool and flexible door stoppers don't exist just to make farting noises. I was crushed.

Sadly now, I am one of those boring adults but the circle of life continues on now that I have a son. I came home the other day to see this...

I couldn't be more proud!!!!!!

New Years Resolutions

"Hey everyone, it's Little Man here. I just wanted to take a moment and let you in on some of the upcoming changes for '09. First off, after taking some serious time to do some deep reflection I realized that I spent far too much time asleep. There's a whole world of wonder and amazement out there and I've been missing it! So from now on, I have decided to veto any and all naps. In fact, I'm not going to sleep all the way through at night either! Whenever anyone tries to put me down and then they come back to check on me- this is how they're going to find me. Alert and oriented to EVERYthing going on around me. No sleep for me, that's my first resolution. For my second resolution I really have mommy to thank. She introduced me to a little slice of heaven called Chocolate Icecream. Let me tell you, it sure is good! So my other resolution for '09 is to eat only foods where chocolate is the major ingredient. No more strained squash and carrots for me. It's gonna be a sweet year in 2009!"

Party Like It's 2009

"Hey y'all here's some footage of me gettin jiggy wit' it way down south in good ol' Charleston on New Years Eve. I don't wanna brag or anything, but I showed this clip to Dancing With the Stars and I think they want me on next season's show. My peeps are still workin out all the details, so keep an eye out!"

Watered Down

Overcome with all the hustle and bustle of the holidays we decided to take some time and go play in the water! Little Man espcially enjoyed the chance to hang with some of his cousins.

But enough chit chat... let's get to the action shots. Look at these pictures carefully and see if you notice any differences between the way mommy plays versus the way daddy plays. The differences are subtle, so pay close attention.

"Now you be careful, and always make sure someone is watching you. And remember no splashing, it's not becoming of little gentleman"

"Look mom, no hands!"

"If you get tired or nauseous then you come to me right away. There's always room on mommy's lap." "Hey, let's see if we can get one of you to do a triple back flip!"

" Watch out for other people's kids... they have germs"

"You'll never take me alive Cop-per!"

" This reminds me of a nice relaxing day at the spa. Maybe we should get our toenails painted afterwards" "He sunk my battleship... everyone run for cover!"

"Hmmm... I wonder what I should have for lunch... a small salad or a slightly medium-sized salad?"

"In your face sucka!"

First Christmas

Hey everyone, guess what...?It's Christmas!!!Check out this present, it's even bigger than I am!!All that wrapping paper for this?!? What a cruel trick.Oh wait, never mind... there was more.
Sweet!!
This is the best Christmas ever!"

Baby Got Back

"Hey everyone, hope your Christmas Season is going well. I have been super-duper busy getting everything ready for the big day. But finally, the stockings are hung, the goodies are baked, the tree and house are decorated, we've watched Elf 3 times, and even gone Christmas caroling... so that only leaves one thing left: I've got to make sure I give a good first impression when I meet the Jolly Red Fat Guy. I've been trying to decide on the best way to do that, without seeming desperate. I want to make sure I get the maximum amount of toys, cause that's what Christmas is all about, right? So anyways, I was thinking of wearing my Candy-Cane striped pants on Christmas Eve, to help me achieve the maximum toy effect. But I do have one concern, perhaps you can help me with...

Do these pants make my butt look fat???"

Gotta Love The Drifters

'Twas The Night B'Fore Christmas

Twas the night before Christmas and all thru the pad,

not a creature was stirring, especially not dad.

The stockings were hung by size on the wall,

with mommy's the biggest and Little Man's quite small.

Connor was sleeping all snug in his crib,

with leftovers from dinner still stuck in his bib.

And mom in her jamies, and dad in his bedroom shoes,

Had just settled down for a long winter's snooze.

When out on the roof there arose such a clatter,

I sprang from my bed to see what was the matter.

Away to the window and thru the last door,

I stubbed my poor toe from Connor's toys on the floor.

The moon shone brightly on the new fallen snow,

while the cold Davenport wind continued to blow.

I threw open the window (more utilities to pay),

and saw eight reindeer and a shiny red sleigh.

With a fat, jolly man so lively and quick,

I knew in a moment it must be St. Nick.

Faster than a speeding bullet his reindeer they came,

built like 8 Clydesdales, only with antlers and no mane.

"Now Flirty, now Birdy, now Dirty and Nerdy,

On Sturdy, on Turdy, on Wordy and Vinny Testaverde

To the top of the Wal-Mart and onto the mall,

Now dash away, dash away, dash away all!"

Then all of the sudden I heard on the roof,

the banging and clanging of each massive hoof.

I wrinkled my brow, my eyesight got hazy,

and I started to think that I might be crazy.

Down the chimney he came in one large plop,

and knocked o'er his cookies and even the mop.

He was dressed in red velvet from his head to his foot,

Armani, Versace, and not an ounce of soot.

A bag full of toys hung on his back,

and he nibbled his cookies for a good night's snack.

A snowy white beard touched his ample round gut,

he looked like an O-lineman with a huge jolly butt.

"Don't tell Mrs. Claus about these cookies," he mumbled,

"If she catches me again I'm sure to get pummeled.

My cholesterol's 340, my blood pressure 205,

but hey, I'm over 500 and I'm still alive!

She makes me eat carrots, celery and string beans,

Boy, for an old lady she sure can be mean.

But alas, the dawn breaks, my time is soon gone,

besides my reindeer have eaten your lawn.

Remember this evening as a Chrsitmas delight,

Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night!"

Soon the season will pass, so enjoy all the sights

of presents and family and Christmas tree lights.

Sit back, take a moment and sip on some nog,

And tell all your friends about this holiday blog!

Snow, Snow, Snow, SNOW!!!

"Hey everybody, grab your coats cuz it's snowing outside!!! I've been stuck in the house all day long just waiting my time to have some fun. I just gotta convince mom to let me go. Mom, can I go outside yet???How about now??

OK, How about now??

And then finally redemption came my way...

W00000000000-H00000000000!!!!!!!"

What's Christmas Without a Rabbit Fur Bomber Hat???

"Hmmmmmmmmm... I wonder what the date is today??

Wait a minute, it's already December... That means Christmas is already on it's way!

Uh-oh, I hope Santa doesn't find out about the noodle incident... I promise I had nothing to do with it.
Maybe if I just smile big and give Santa the big googly-eyes then he'll forget about everything else and bring me lots of presents!!"